My Children Don’t Want To Go To Bed
Dear Gelly,
Spring is here. As the weather gets nicer, my 6 and 8 year old children and their friends start spending more time outside. Bedtime gets harder because they don’t want to come inside to go to sleep. What am I supposed to do?
Growing up, one of my worst memories is my mother yelling out the window for me to come inside. I used to be so embarrassed. I didn’t like going home when all my friends were still playing outside. At times, I felt like the outcast of the neighborhood because I was the ONLY one who had to go in before dark.
I don’t want my children to suffer the way I did when I was young. Yet, I find myself yelling at them anyway because they won’t come in on time to go to sleep. Bedtime is getting later and later every day. My kids are grumpy and angry that they’re not like everyone else on the block who gets to stay outside later than them.
Please help! I don’t want to repeat the trauma of my childhood but I do need to set some rules with my kids so I can have a normal household and well rested children.
Mom of children who don’t want to go to bed.
Dear Mom of Children Who Don’t Want To Go To Bed,
Spring is a beautiful time of the year. The weather gets nicer and the children are back playing outside for hours on end each day. You describe a typical case scenario that mothers find challenging as the summer rolls around.
It sounds like you live in a neighborhood with a lot of children. In one way, this is wonderful as your children are occupied as they happily play outside. However, this blessing of lots of neighbors also brings along the issue you describe, bedtime challenges.
While it may not be easy, there are ways to get your children to have a normal bedtime even when it’s light outside. Having a discussion with your children about summer bedtime routine is imperative. You may need to have several discussions where you state the rules of your family while the children compare you to every neighbor and complain how unlucky they are to have an “early” bedtime. This is part of living in a kid friendly neighborhood.
This situation requires flexibility on your end. You may like when your children get tucked in early so you have a quiet night. This may not be possible. I typically find that children go to sleep 30 minutes to an hour later in the summer, depending on their age. If you tell your children that they can have a later bedtime, they will be more cooperative when they come in for bedtime so they don’t lose their privileges.
When children feel heard and understood, things tend to go smoother. You will have some adjustments to make on your end as to how your evening works. That’s the summer. You can also create a nighttime routine of bath time and storytime that’s enjoyable for your children. When your mindset is clear and you have a plan, You’ll be calmer with the bedtime routine.
It’s important to address your triggers as you find yourself yelling at your children the same way your mother yelled at you growing up. You share how you felt embarrassed and ashamed that you were the only one going in early for bedtime. I want to help you take back control so you don’t repeat the things your mother did to you that caused you pain and suffering.
There is a different way to go about doing bedtime in the Spring/summer months. I strongly believe that you must find a way to boost your connection with your kids when you call them into the house. If you stop yelling, there will be room for smiles. If you start viewing bedtime as an opportunity to tuck in your beautiful children, as something bigger than the drudgery of bedtime, your attitude will change.
When you adopt a Positive Parenting Mindset, you will learn to infuse bedtime with love, hugs and special moments. Yes, kids will be kids. Your children may not cooperate initially when you stop yelling and start loving. It takes time to change a pattern of behavior both for you as the mother and for your children.
What’s most important as a mom is for you to start creating the atmosphere you want in your home. First, stop yelling. Then start doing! Decide on what bedtime works for your family. Find books that you want to read to your children. Instead of yelling, go outside 15 minutes before bedtime hour and gently give your children a gentle reminder about time. This way, your children will mentally have time to make the transition from play to bedtime.
Happy children are generally more cooperative with bedtime. The best part about changing your behavior is the good feeling you will have about yourself as a mother. While bedtime is one of the biggest struggles for parents, it doesn’t have to be that way. Remember that change takes time. If you stay consistent and work on positive connections, hopefully, you will get the results you want.
Want more Parenting support as a mom? Do you want to learn how to bond with your children through the power of connection and play, the Non Tech way?
Download my Free Resource Guide, 5 Simple Ways To Keep Your Kids Entertained Without Tech. This Resource Guide will give you lots of ideas to do with your kids and enjoy time together. You absolutely can be the Mother you truly want to be!
I am always happy to get on the phone with moms who are looking for solutions to parenting challenges and want to take back control and create positive change in their families.
Click the link below to set up a FREE 15 MINUTE PARENTING CONSULT to see how I can support you in being a more Positive, Connected Mom.
Gelly is a Child and Family Specialist and has been practicing with children, adolescents and families for over 20 years. Gelly is a Registered Play Therapy Supervisor and EMDR Consultant and has been providing Telehealth Therapy since the start of the COVID-19 virus.
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